


Use Your Heart While it's Beating

by KelliDiane



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cheating Louis, F/F, F/M, Infidelity, cheating niall, girl!Louis, girl!Niall, zayn is mentioned in passing - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-17 11:44:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16094996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KelliDiane/pseuds/KelliDiane
Summary: Standing here on my ownYeah, the first step's the hardestWhen you're walking into the unknownIt's been dark, and it's been coldHad my head in the cloudsNever knowing what lies down belowThen you spoke your truth with no secretsTold me, "use your heart while it's beating"





	Use Your Heart While it's Beating

“Harry,” Louis giggles as she squirms in his lap. “Harry, stop. I have to go. Niall’s waiting for me. If I’m late again because of you, she’ll absolutely hate me.”

The brunette purposefully grinds down on her boyfriend’s lap as she moves to get off of him. “Besides, we could wait until we go out to the lake this weekend and really have some fun. Sounds good to me, yeah?” She leans in and kisses at his pout.

Huffing, Harry agrees. “Yeah. I can wait till then. Especially if you get those pills like you did last time. Fuck it felt so good.”

Louis smiles brightly and nods. She figures that he means the morning after pills she had bought to surprise him with, but she’d bring along the ecstasy pills too. “We’re gonna have such a great weekend. Just you, me, Niall, and her girlfriend.”

“I’m just glad Niall actually likes me now. I was worried you would break up with me because of her. I know how much her opinion means to you.” Harry smiles lovingly and leans up to press one more soft kiss to his girlfriend’s lips. “Go meet up with her. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Louis nods happily as she grabs her bag from the hardwood floor. “Bye, babe!”

——————

Niall didn’t hear Louis come in, but she certainly felt her lips against her neck. “You’re late.”

“Only by a few minutes,” Louis mumbles into her blonde friend’s ear. She places a few more kisses to the pale skin just below her friend’s ear. “I had to stop at home and grab some stuff. Figured since we were heading up to the lake from here I should grab the stuff to really make this weekend wild.”

Niall laughed as she turned and came face to face with her friend. “Perfect. The E will make Zayn pass out and then we just have to avoid Harry. Shouldn’t be too hard; he trusts you. Looks at you like you hung the bloody stars in the sky.”

Louis hums and rubs their noses together in Eskimo kisses. “So he looks at me the way I look at you?”

“Pretty much,” Niall smiles brightly before tipping her face forward and catching Louis’ lips in a kiss.

Their relationship was complicated. They had both been figuring themselves out when they started high school and had been too shy to say anything about the unspoken attraction they felt. Then Harry had asked Louis out and, in her desperation to forget her feelings for her best friend, she agreed. It wasn’t terrible- Louis did love Harry- but she never got over her feelings for Niall.

Figuring it was okay and after talking to Harry about everything, she had decided to come out as bisexual. Harry had supported her in everything had even thrown her a coming out party complete with two cakes- a penis shaped one and a vagina shaped one. She had laughed so hard and appreciated everything her boyfriend did for her. There was no way she would ever forget his kindness and love.

Niall had come out as gay a year earlier and Louis knew her own decision to come out had been less about bravery and more about hinting to Niall about what could be. She had waited patiently to see if her blonde friend had taken the bait, but decided to force her hand when nothing had happened in three months’ time.

Inviting herself over as she always did, Louis set her plan in motion. That night had started out like normal- snacks, movies, Niall fiddling with her guitar and showing Louis a new song she wrote- but once they were alone in Niall’s room the tension spiked and Louis was practically choking on it. She remembers that night so vividly.

_“Niall… Have you ever done anything with a girl?”_

_“Not really. Don’t know many out and proud girls. You’re honestly the only other one I know of. Why? Have you?”_

_“No… But I want to.”_

It had gone on from there. Kissing, stripping, fingers, tongues, and finally orgasms. Louis remembers feeling so sated- more so than when Harry had ever gone down on her.

But they agreed that it could never happen again. Louis was with Harry and Niall wouldn’t be the reason Louis ended it with such a supportive and caring man. She told Louis that she would be there waiting if they ever truly broke up, but she didn't want Louis to do anything drastic because of an amazing night with a girl.

Louis, hurt but understanding, agreed and now here they were. Two years later getting ready to graduate high school, stupidly in love with each other but dating other people, and fucking each other behind closed doors.

“Do you ever think that maybe we should just break up with them and date ourselves?” Louis asks as she pulls back and looks down at her secret girlfriend. “Don’t you think the longer we do this, the more hurt they’ll be?”

Niall sighs and pushes the girl back so that she can breath without Louis’ perfume clouding her thoughts. “Well… I was actually going to break up with Zayn after graduation. She doesn’t graduate for another year and she’s already been accepted to the London School of Art. I’m going up to Edinburgh for university so we’ll be so far away from each other anyway.”

“You’re… You’re going to Edinburgh? I thought you were staying here in Manchester with Harry and me.” Louis frowns and wonders when her friend made all these decisions without her.

“I was going to, but Edinburgh has a bigger nightlife scene. The entire band is going up that way and we’re going to try and get some gigs while we’re studying.” Niall looks down at her comforter, suddenly unhappy with the turn the conversation turned.

Louis blinks, anger welling up inside of her. “Were you even going to tell me or were you just going to leave without a word?”

“Louis-“

“No! Don’t ‘Louis’ me! You knew I would follow you and yet you said nothing. How are we supposed to be together if you won’t let me in on your plans?”

Niall sighs. “Because I don’t want to be with you.”

The room grew quiet as the words hung in the air. It was like a slap in the face for Louis. Two years of flirting, of sex, of intimate moments wasted on a pretty girl with blonde hair who apparently couldn’t care less about her.

“Louis,” Niall sighs and places a hand gently on the tanner girl’s hip. “Look, I’m sorry. I thought we’d be together after everything, but I was talking it over with the band and-“

“Oh, so the band are in on this are they?” Louis scoffs and crosses her arms over her chest like a petulant child. “I’m sure they all had wonderful things to say. Liam fucking hates me and so does Josh. Sandy probably just shrugged and told you to do what’s right, but we both know he’s not my biggest fan.”

Niall gets angry now at the accusatory tone in her friend’s voice. “They don’t know it’s you. They just know there’s another girl.”

Louis sees red. “‘Another girl!’ How fucking dare you! I was here first. Zayn came in after me and fucking stole you from me. _She’s_ the other girl.”

“Yeah, but at least when I fuck Zayn there isn’t fucking cum from Harry leaking out of her.”

“Fuck you. Fuck you and your stupid fucking music. Fuck your band and your fucking dreams. You’re never going to make it big. Take your fucking guitar and fuck yourself with it because you sure as hell aren’t getting any from me.” Louis huffs and clambers to her feet. She snatches her bag from the chair next to the bed and hurried to Niall’s bedroom door. “You can fucking forget the lake weekend. Harry and I will go alone. Fuck you.”

And with that, she storms away.

——————

Louis moans as Harry’s tongue flicks across her clit in the most sinful way. Her fingers are buried in his curls and tugging them to get his mouth closer to where she needs it- needs him. Her thighs are shaking from the three orgasms he’s torn from her.

His fingers push themselves inside her with no resistance. She’s so slick from her arousal and stretched out from the toys he used on her earlier that he wonders how much longer she’s going to last. He manages to look up at her from where his face is buried in her pussy and smiles up at her.

He pulls back so he can catch his breath, his fingers still making sure to please her. “Let me fuck you, princess. Want to fuck you and come so hard inside you.”

Louis nods and enjoys every moment with him alone in the lake house.

Once they’re both blissed out and Louis has taken her pill, they cuddle up close to each other. Louis’ head rests gently on her boyfriend’s chest as she listens to the gentle beating of his heart. She’s nearly asleep when his deep voice break over her.

“I got a text from Niall. She wants us to come see her in Edinburgh once they’ve managed to secure a decent gig. Said she had a new song she was going to play and everything.” Harry’s voice rumbles and vibrates through his girlfriend’s mind.

She shifts uncomfortably. “I don’t think… She and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms right now. You sure it was just you she wanted there?”

He frowns and looks over at her. “No, she was pretty adamant that you were to be there too. But backup, why aren’t you talking to her? She’s your best friend.”

“We…” Louis doesn’t know how to tell Harry everything that has happened in the past two years without disclosing her infidelity to him. She doesn’t want to hurt him and since their fling is apparently over, he never needed to know. “We had artistic differences. She decided to go to Edinburgh and not tell me. That’s not what best friends do.”

“Babe, none of us really talked about what would happen. I mean, I figured since we weren’t talking about it we were all staying here, but you can’t be upset that she wants to live her life and chase her dreams. That’s not the Louis I know. You’re the only one who consistently shows up to her gigs and you record and post their sets all the time. You’re her biggest fan. Why the sudden lack of support?”

_Because she was supposed to take me with her._

Louis doesn’t say that, but she knows that it’s written all across her face. She swallows guiltily and looks up at Harry.

He smiles sadly and cups her face with his hand. “If you really love her like I think you do, then you need to make it obvious to her. You can start by ending things with me.”

“Wha-what?”

Sighing, he sits up and moves so that Louis is situated in his arms and they’re leaning against the headboard of the bed. “You’re not exactly subtle. I kind of figured you were in love with her when you decided your sexuality. I honestly expected you to break up with me soon after and go after her. When it didn’t happen, I just sort of clung to the relationship because I loved you.

“I thought maybe if I loved you harder you’d love me like you loved Niall. But then you started coming back from hanging out with her and there’d be a new bruise or you’d look too happy and I… I just figured that maybe it was purely physical- like maybe she gave you something that I couldn’t- but I can see now that you love her so much more than you love me.”

Louis makes a noise of protest, but Harry shakes his head to keep her quiet.

“I’m not mad or anything. I get it. Sometimes there’s literally nothing you can do to make someone love you. I don’t doubt that you love me, but you and Niall are on some other level that I can’t even fathom.” He kisses at her hair. “So, I want you to go after her. We’ll still be friends and I’ll love you forever, but you need her and she needs you.”

Louis turns in his arms and looks at him. She knows he’s being sincere- the small bit of tears gathering in the corner of his eyes at least tells her that- but she knows that she’s treated him poorly and that hurts more than anything. “I do love you, Harry. I always have, but I think you’re right. I’ve felt this way about Niall for as long as I can remember.”

“And you have a right to acknowledge and act on those feelings if that’s what Niall wants as well.” He smiles up at her, eyes flicking down to her lips.

“Maybe… Maybe we can have tonight though. I don’t want to just leave you here. Maybe we can love each other for one more night.”

Harry nods. “I won’t say no to that.”

Louis kisses him, thanking whatever god was out there for giving her such an understanding man.

——————

Louis doesn’t see Harry for two weeks after their break up. He told her that even though he understood and encouraged it that he needed some time. It makes her heart hurt to think that he absolutely loved her and she couldn’t love him back the way he deserved.

During Harry’s leave of absence (he had gone as far as taking his friend Nick to London for a lads’ holiday) Louis realised how alone she was. Niall has already fucked off to Edinburgh with her band mates so they could get a head start on finding some pubs and steady gigs. Zayn and her had never been truly close, but once the younger girl found out that Niall had been sleeping with Louis behind her back the small amount of communication they had had ended. Stan was out of the country with his family and even Oli had already left for his gap year of traveling the continent.

Louis sits, bored and alone, on her couch in the living room. Cartoons played in the background to keep her youngest siblings busy while she scrolled through her phone.

She’s on Facebook when she sees it- a picture of Niall in Edinburgh kissing some brunette that Louis has never seen in her life.

She blinks a few times before taking in the changes Niall had made in the short two weeks of being gone. Her long white blonde hair was now a sharp angled bob dyed a midnight blue colour and her eyebrow now sported a fresh piercing. Louis almost didn’t recognise her, but Liam’s caption confirmed everything.

_“New city; new look; new pussy.”_

Louis could feel the tears welling in her eyes. Did Niall really already have a new girl? Was she just waiting to leave Louis and find the next brunette willing to spread her legs? She felt dirty and used- something she had never felt before when it came to her best friend.

There were twenty comments on the picture, but Louis didn’t dare read any of them. She was too worried about she would find there.

——————

“Why did you post that?” Niall whines as she sits down the couch from Liam. She throws her feet up into his lap and refuses to move when he stares down at them.

“Because,” he says pointedly as he pushes her feet to the floor, “she deserves to know that you’re better off without her.”

Niall rolls her eyes. “But we both know that’s a lie. My songwriting has turned to shit. I’ve only got six songs ready for our first gig next month and we need at least ten.”

Liam shrugs as he goes back to texting his girlfriend. “No one said they had to be new. No one up here knows our music. Just pop This Town into the lineup and maybe Slow Hands. Takes care of two more songs and no one will know. Plus everything you’ve written since the break up is depressing.”

“Those songs are about her though. I can’t sing a song about sex with Lou or about her and Harry living in town together. That’s… I want to move on from her.”

“Sure you do,” Liam snorts.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means,” Liam rolls his eyes, “that even your depressing songs are about her. You want her back so bad, but you burned that bridge and you watched the ashes crumble. It’s okay to regret things you know.”

Niall stays silent for a moment. She tries to think of any way she could have kept Louis in her life without destroying the girl’s relationship with Harry. “She was happy with him. She’s better off with him.”

“Is that why they broke up then?”

Her head snaps over to look at him, confusion on her face. “What?”

Liam taps away at his screen before pulling up Harry’s Facebook profile and handing Niall his phone. “Yeah. See for yourself.”

Niall takes the device quickly and scans the picture of Harry and his friend quickly. They seem to be having a great time in London, drunk and riding the London Eye. Harry’s merely tagged in it, but Nick’s caption tells all anyway.

_“Don’t worry, ladies. He’s single and (not quite) ready to mingle. Getting over a girl requires more alcohol than originally planned.”_

She continues scrolling until she gets back to two weeks earlier, reading the status Harry had posted.

_“Sometimes the people you love don’t always love you the same way. They do love you- so much- but not enough to continue on. **Louis** , I love you so much and I know that you love me too, but we both need this to be happy. You’ll always have a part of my heart. Thanks for a great three years and endless memories.”_

Niall blinks hard and stares at the date. It was the day after she told Louis goodbye. Her heart constricts as she thinks of Louis all alone and crying (over her or Harry, she can’t decide). She can’t believe she left her best friend.

——————

Johanna answers the door, looking frazzled and more out of sorts than normal. Her shocked expression must show though. “Oh! Niall, I wasn’t expecting to see you here. Louis told me you were in Edinburgh! Come in, come in!”

Niall smiles softly and steps into the home that was practically hers growing up. She was over so often that Johanna had even offered her her own bedroom. (Niall had just laughed and said she was more than happy sharing with Louis- little did Louis’ mum know what they did in that tiny bedroom.) Looking around, she could see baskets of laundry waiting to be folded and toys scattered across the living room and it filled her with a sense of home.

“Sorry to just drop by. I heard about Louis and Harry and wanted to check on her.” She self consciously tucks her short hair behind her ear.

Johanna sighs heavily and nods. “She’s in her room. Haven’t really been able to talk to her about it. Seemed rather sudden and I can’t tell who broke it off since Harry seems just as upset. He gets back from London later today though. Anne says he called her to keep her updated on his plans.”

Niall nods distractedly. She doesn’t want to tell Johanna that she couldn’t care less about Harry, but the woman seems to realise soon enough that she’s rambling. “Sorry, dear. Go on up and see her. I’m sure she’ll love to see you.”

She doesn’t tell her that that isn’t true.

Knocking softly on her friend’s door, she pushes open the barrier without waiting for an answer. “Lou?”

Louis looks up at the sound of the quiet call. She knows exactly how pathetic she looks curled up in Harry’s sweatpants and one of Niall’s old vests. Her hair is thrown up in a messy bun like it has been for days because she can’t find the energy to care enough to actually do her hair and her black rimmed glasses sat perched on her nose since her constant crying had irritated her contacts too much. She tries her best to scowl at her once best friend. “What are you doing here?”

“Louis,” Niall’s heart breaks at the sight of her best friend. “God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think you two would break up- ever.” She closes the door behind her and makes it to her friend’s side quickly.

“Yeah, well it wasn’t exactly my idea. He knew about us.” Louis shrinks back a bit.

Niall stops breathing for a moment. “He what?”

“He said he’s known for a while, but… It doesn’t matter though.”

“Of course it matters,” Niall reaches out to grabs tightly at Louis’ hand. “You loved him.”

Louis laughs bitterly. “Did I? It’s hard to agree when you’re the person I was shagging behind his back.” She wants to rip her hand away, but the comfort feels too nice. “He broke up with me so that I could chase after you. He bought me a one way ticket to Edinburgh.”

Niall blinks. “He… He knew about us and still did that?”

“He thinks we belong together.”

“When is your ticket for?”

Louis looks over at her friend. “What does it matter? I’m not willing to be the other girl again and you already have a new bird up there in Scotland. Liam posted a photo of you and some other girl.”

“Firstly,” Niall rolls her eyes, “she’s not my bird. She was a one night stand because the lads were tired of me moping over leaving you here. Fuck, Louis, I don’t even know her name! I called her your name while we fucked.”

Louis’ eyes widen at the admission.

Niall continues on, “second, answer my question. When is your ticket for?”

“Saturday,” Louis says softly.

“Alright. It’s Wednesday now. That gives us two and a half days to pack you up. You’re coming back with me.” Niall won’t- can’t- leave her behind again.

The brunette looks at her best friend in wonder. “You mean it?”

“I’ve never meant anything more than this.”

——————

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? Niall, get back here!”

The (re dyed) blonde laughs loudly as her girlfriend shouts at her from the other room. “Hold on! I’ve got to get this chorus written while I’m thinking about it!”

“I’m going to make myself cum if you don’t get your ass back in here!”

Chuckling, Niall quickly writes down the chorus that had been rattling around in her mind. She makes barely legible notes about chords and melodies around her words. She’s nearly finished when she hears the telltale sign of Louis moaning.

She throws her pen down and sprints back to the other room.

_When you're right here beside me, there's nothing else I need_  
Your eyes keep me reminded that nothing's out of reach  
When you're with me, it feels like I'm finally free  
Feels like I'm finally free 


End file.
